


Shitty Fakes of Expensive Purses

by fakebodies



Category: Tango & Cash (1989)
Genre: First Dates, Fluff and Humor, Katherine is a lesbian and Gabe is bi and everyone's happy, M/M, honestly it's really cute and really garbage, it's mature simply for mentions of jacking off, so here: the first date fic probably no one asked for ever, ur boy is diving headfirst into tango & cash like any good gay kurt russell fan should lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 19:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11088798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakebodies/pseuds/fakebodies
Summary: Gabriel Cash really does not feel comfortable in a suit, Ray Tango gets taken on a sort-of surprise date, and Katherine had half-expected all of this to happen sooner. Oh well, things don't always happen the way you want them to.





	Shitty Fakes of Expensive Purses

So, maybe Gabriel Cash has a thing for guys who treat him rough. Nothing too serious but man, when it was done just right? Pressing him up against a wall or shoving him onto the bed, it really pushed all the right buttons. And maybe, now that things have quieted down and he's had time to process everything that happened, he's really thinking about when Ray had pressed his gun up against his dick. That had been hot. Maybe not in the moment, because he hadn't exactly had the time to think with his dick, but now? Holy shit. That image is definitely pushing all the right buttons. And, maybe, he rubs out a quick one in the shower thinking about Ray handling him all nice and rough- it's not like anyone else needs to know.

Well, okay, maybe Kiki needs to know. Not about the whole jacking off thing, no way, but he should probably tell her if he's going to date her brother. Or try to, at least. Gabe really has no fucking clue which way Ray swings, if he swings at all. He figures Kiki would be the one to ask- he knows she isn't gonna punch him for being curious about which team Ray likes to bat for. Hell, maybe he's like Gabe, batting for both. Granted, Gabe had a tendency towards more masculine folk, seeing as how women didn't usually like to shove their boyfriends around too much. Kiki's "hands off my property" line had done wonders for him, but, unfortunately, she'd had to let him down easy with a "Gabe, you're sweet, but I'm a lesbian." He'd understood, and found he really enjoyed being just friends with her.

As much as he loves Kiki and her sense of humor, he doesn't love getting laughed at when he asks what Ray's into. He'd been laying across her lap so she could massage his shoulders while they watch a movie, and she'd completely stopped just to laugh at him.

"You really don't know?"

"I have no goddamn clue!" Gabe scowls, only more frustrated. Kiki pats his shoulder sympathetically.

"I guess you'll have to test the waters yourself."

"Gee, and here I thought you'd help a poor guy out." he rolls his eyes. Kiki smiles warmly, starting to rub his shoulders again.

"Want a hint?"

"If it's all I'm gonna get." Gabe huffs.

"You'll owe me a foot massage." Kiki pauses again. He gives her a thumbs up.

"Deal."

"Guess how many cops have tried to set him up on dates with their friends or sisters?"

"I don't know, tons?"

"Tons. Now, guess how many of those dates he went on."

"None?"

"None." Kiki nods, "That a good enough hint?"

"Yeah, thanks." Gabe grins.

"No problem. Now move, I want that foot massage." Kiki smiles back, shoving his shoulder. Gabe moves over, letting her put her feet in his lap. As he starts to rub, his thoughts wander to all the ways he could potentially seduce Ray Tango. He should probably try to be classy.

Gabe Cash made good money as a cop, sure. Most cops made good money, or at the very least good enough money they could support a wife and a couple of tykes, and Gabe was no exception. Only problem is, he's spending most of his money. Not on stupid shit like you'd think, but on taking care of his ma, keeping her set in a nice retirement community with her friends. So, in order to be classy, he has to wait a couple paychecks. Long enough that he can afford to rent a real suit and have enough money for dinner at a nice restaurant. He feels kind of stupid, looking at himself in the mirror, but he's really gotta hit this one out of the park. He steels himself and calls Ray.

"We still on for dinner?"

"Yeah, sure," Gabe can practically hear him shrug over the phone, "You still not telling me where this place is?"

"Fuck you, it's a surprise. I'll be there in ten."

"Fine." Ray sighs, hanging up the phone. If Gabe still feels stupid and tacky when he gets to Ray's apartment, he figures he'll just have to put up with feeling like one of those shitty fakes of expensive purses. Hopefully Ray'll like it. Or at least not laugh at him.

When Ray comes down from his apartment, he pauses, just to look at Gabe. He gets the same look he gets when he's examining something that just doesn't make sense at a crime scene, and Gabe really doesn't like being scrutinized.

"Quit staring and come on." Gabe huffs, turning to climb into the car. That wasn't the reaction he'd wanted either, but at least it wasn't anger or rejection or laughter. Gabe can still turn things around. Hopefully dinner will go smoothly, and they'll both have fun and it'll end with a romantic kiss and maybe an invitation up to Ray's apartment for drinks.

It... it doesn't end that way at all. Dinner was awkward and, in Gabe's opinion, overpriced. Ray hadn't stopped looking at him weird the whole time and after Gabe drops Ray back off, he decides to just sit and glare daggers at his steering wheel. He'd fucked the whole night up, somehow. He's considering punching the dash just to vent some steam when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks up to meet Ray's eyes.

"You tried hard tonight, didn't you?"

"Yeah." Gabe sighs, "Guess I fucked something up, though."

"Probably the simplest part of a first date. You forgot to be you." Ray smiles a little, exasperated but fond.  
"Come on, I've got beer in the fridge."

Gabe follows Ray up to his apartment, more than grateful for the understanding and patience, and the beer. He almost chokes on his second sip of beer, though, when he realizes what Ray had said back on the street.

"Wait, first date?" Gabe stares at Ray.

"Took you long enough. That's what this was, wasn't it?"

"Well, yeah, but- wait, did you know? Is that why you were so damn patient?"

"Katherine told me you were planning something." Ray shrugs, "Besides, you're not the most subtle guy around."

"Damn it! I wanted it to be a secret. I seriously need to talk to her about blabbing everything to you." Gabe rolls his eyes.

"You might want to thank her for blabbing to her brother. After all, I might not have wanted to ask you this if I hadn't known it was a date."

"Ask me what?"

"Why don't we try again? Pizza and beer, your place. No suits, no reservations, just the real Gabriel Cash."

"Sounds nice." Gabe grins. Ray smiles back, and damn if Gabe doesn't want to kiss him. A lot. He's really looking forward to that second date.

Their second date goes a whole lot more smoothly. Gabe orders pizza, Ray brings beer, and they sit on the couch together watching old movies on Gabe's shitty little TV. This time, Ray puts his arm around Gabe's shoulders and kisses his cheek, and Gabe leans against Ray's side, only half watching the movie. He's enjoying himself, and Ray is too, and he couldn't have asked for a better second date. Especially not when it ends with them in Gabe's bedroom, Ray on top of him and kissing his neck and chest. Maybe they don't fuck, but hey, Gabe can be patient, and maybe he likes things sweet and slow just as much as he likes them rough.


End file.
